Hopeless

Sometimes being in love is not so bad. It's kinda like a miracle actually. It feels so good, but only at the beginning. Well, what about the end? It's up to love itself.

I hate when I have a crush in someone. I can't help my feelings, you know. I cry a lot. Sometimes I don't know what to do, and feels like wanna go away from life.

The last few days, I wasn't in the mood. I didn't know what to do, so I decided not to do my usual activity (chatting & twittering). I turned my bbm and my twitter off. So, I decided to open my blog and tumblr and youtube. It was amazing. I do a lot like flashing back the time when I was really happy, I enjoyed my life and love the way it was.

Today, I saw something, and I've been thinking. What a silly me. I saw a photo on my tumblr and it says "Did you actually think you mattered to him? Silly girl." and I was like 'whoa, it hurts, dude.' I mean, it's true but, it hurts too, a lot.

I'm your friend. I know a lot of things about you. I know what you're gonna think if I do this, and so on. But unexpected and unspeakable thing happened. I fell for you. I knew I shouldn't do it, but I did it anyway. I act like I used to be. Your friend. I knew I shouldn't love you, and I realize, I must not. I stayed away from you. I ran from my feelings. I didn't speak day by day. I secure myself with many things. 'I want to over you'. But I can't. Day by day, week by week, months by months, I live my life with this condition. Pretending I'm okay, pretending I'm fine. One day, I didn't know what to do, I couldn't help it anymore. I told you everything. My feelings. Everything, just hoping that you'd okay with that and I kept saying sorry for everything I've done. You said, it was fine, it was alright. And you gave me too much hope. You acted like not you, giving me more hopes, each day. And then, you were gone. I didn't know where. I tried to follow your paths, but I was lost too. So I've been thinking, when you were in love with my friend, you were like give everything you had to her. And so did you when you were in love with juniors. How silly I am. I WOULD NEVER BE LIKE THEM.

 i'm just the worst

-michelle averil-